Letting Go
by Kris Ice
Summary: Jou's been dead a year and Seto's heart seems to have died with him, but Mokuba's determined to get his brother back.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Letting Go 1/2   
Author: Kris Ice   
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or anything related to that anime.   
Warnings: mentions of violent death and attempted suicides   
Pairings: mentions of SetoxJou, brotherly Seto + Mokuba   
Type: yaoi, angst   
Rating: PG-13   
OC's: none   
Summary: Jou's been dead a year and Seto's heart seems to have died with him, but Mokuba's determined to get his brother back.   
Betas: Katbcoll 

He's staring out the window again. I don't think he sleeps any more. In fact, all he seems to do is stand at that window and stare out. I know he hurts. So do I. But, it's been a year. I know Jou wouldn't want nii-sama to let himself wither away like this. Mokuba sighed, leaning against the doorframe of his brother's room. I'll bet anything he's trying to die again. Probably hopes I won't notice him slowly willing himself to death since I caught him all those other times. He closed his eyes, shuddering as he remembered a desperate ambulance ride while paramedics tried to keep Seto's heart beating after the tall brunette had slit his wrists. Another shudder ran thought him as he remembered the worst time. He had walked in on Seto with a gun to his head. He had seriously thought that Seto was going to go ahead and pull the trigger, not caring that he'd be blowing his brains out in front of his little brother. Determination turned soft blue-grey eyes into steel. I've had enough. We're getting out of here and I'm going to find some way, any way to get my brother back. I'm not going to lose both of them. 

"Pack a bag. We're leaving." 

Seto Kaiba blinked, looking back to stare at his younger brother in surprise. The older boy had always been pale, but now his skin was so pale that it looked almost translucent. Seto's dark blue eyes looked huge in his gaunt face. "What?" 

"You heard me." Mokuba stood in the doorway, his arms crossed as he glared at his brother. "We're leaving. I've had enough of it, Seto. He's gone, you hurt, I hurt, but I'm not going to let you..." His voice trailed off and he ducked as Seto threw a heavy bookend in his direction. As always, the older brother missed, but still, Mokuba had learned the hard way to be cautious. One time that bookend had come awfully close to hitting him in the side of the head. 

"It's my fault he's dead," Seto hissed, bloodshot eyes again filling with tears before he turned away to stare off into the distance. He wasn't watching the sunset. Those frantic days were burned into his mind. When Mokuba had told him that Jou had been angry with Seto forgetting that they were going out and had left, he hadn't been too worried. But when Jou didn't come home before dawn, he was close to panicking. It had taken them three weeks to find his missing lover. Seto's fists clenched the railing of his balcony as he remembered charging in that warehouse only to see... 

Seto rushed ahead of the officers. He didn't care that he was breaking their procedure or that he could be putting himself in danger. The only thing that mattered was rescuing Jou. 

He closed his eyes, shuddering, not wanting to remember, but unable to stop the flow of images. 

Jou's slender, naked, pale body was covered with gaping wounds, several infected. There were whiplashes on just about ever inch of his body. Terrible burns covered his body but seemed concentrated between his legs. Large lacerations covered his chest. Only the blonde's face was untouched. Then, as a finishing touch, Jou had been crucified on a rough cross that was placed in the middle of the warehouse. 

Seto ignored the sound of some of the officers being sick while others called for the medical examiner. He walked closer, unable to believe that his golden lover was gone. Then the greatest horror happened. When he whispered Jou's name, the blond's eyes opened. The officers had fallen into stunned silence while Seto touched his lover's face. One of the police officers - he couldn't remember who, as he hadn't been able to take his eyes from Jou's - grabbed a hammer and pulled the spikes from Jou's wrists and feet. Seto caught the blond as he was released and crouched on the floor, cradling his lover. Incredibly, Jou smiled. 

"I knew you'd find me," he whispered in a broken voice. 

"Shh.." Seto urged him, not bothering to blink back the tears running down his face. 

Jou blinked, his eyes huge. "You're..crying for me?" 

Seto hiccupped and held Jou as tightly as he dared. "I love you, don't leave me." 

Jou smiled again and reached up to place a shaky, bloody hand on Seto's cheek. "I love you, too. Never forget that." He drew a ragged breath before coughing a little, blood trickling down from the corner of his mouth. "Be happy," he whispered before falling limp. 

Later, it had been discovered that Jou's killer had been a woman that Seto had rejected some years before when she tried to force him into marriage. When her identity was discovered, the fire went out behind Seto's eyes. It seemed that his soul had died that day. The only consolation he had was that Yami had played a game with the woman soon after and she would never find peace again. 

"I can't," Seto whispered, not turning to look at his brother. 

Mokuba's heart clenched and tears came to his eyes, but he refused to walk away like he had every time before. "We're leaving, nii-sama." He restrained the urge to flinch when dead sapphire eyes turned to stare at him. "Go, take a shower. I'll pack your bag." 

Seto looked like he was going to protest, but then he sighed. He was too tired to argue. What did it matter anyway? He wasn't going to get over Jou being dead. He left the guest bedroom where he had started sleeping a year ago and walked toward his bedroom door, intending to grab fresh clothes from his closet. As he grabbed the doorknob and started to open it, he froze, whimpering as he was assaulted by haunting memories of laughter and love. 

Mokuba reached out and pried Seto's hand off the doorknob before leading him down the hall to his room. He pushed Seto toward the bathroom attached to his bedroom then released his hand. "Take a shower, Seto. I'll bring you some clothes and pack you a bag." The younger boy's heart clenched when his big brother silently obeyed instead of arguing. He shut the door behind him when he left, giving Seto that much privacy as well as showing Seto that he trusted him alone for a while. Besides, there was nothing in there he could use to hurt himself. 

Back in Seto's room, Mokuba opened the closet to look for suitable clothes. He winced when he noticed that Jou's clothes were still in there. The taller boy hadn't been able to let go even that much. Ruthlessly, Mokuba shoved down the urge to cry and started shuffling through his brother's clothes. He didn't want to grab anything that would directly remind Seto of Jou, so all of his dress clothes were out. Besides, Mokuba wanted to take Seto some place casual so he could relax. Several minutes later, the dark-haired boy growled in frustration. Seto, it turned out, didn't own much in the way of casual clothes. In fact, almost all of the ones he did Jou had bought for him because the blond had told Seto repeatedly that he needed to relax more. 

Knowing that Seto would only be in the shower so long, Mokuba took a deep breath and made a decision that could backfire badly on him. He packed three pairs of faded jeans, a pair of slacks, and a couple of Seto's leather pants. A couple of button up shirts also found their way into the suitcase. Mokuba's hand hovered over the dark blue shirt that matched his brother's eyes so well, but left it hanging. Jou had loved that shirt and Mokuba didn't want to rub salt in the wounds in his brother's heart. A few T-shirts came out of the dresser by the closet and were tucked into the suitcase as well. It had taken only a moment to discover which side of the chest of drawers was his brother's. That side was almost empty except for his underwear, socks, and some T-shirts. He grabbed a couple of belts when he remembered how Seto's pants had started hanging from his hips. Mokuba snorted, realizing that for the first time Seto's belts would be doing the job they were designed for rather than just for decoration. 

While pulling out some underwear, Mokuba's hand encountered something cold and hard. Fearing it was another gun, Mokuba gingerly pulled it out. When he saw what he had found, he felt the tears well up in his eyes. It was the Duel Monsters card case that he had gotten Jou and Seto for Christmas last year, only a few days before Jou had died. With shaking hands he opened the case, and sobbed. There, nestled in the velvet-lined interior in the two spaces made for them were two Duel Monsters decks. With a trembling hand, he flipped up the top card of the deck on the left and found himself looking at a very familiar Blue Eyes. His hand shook even worse when he reached for the other deck. Like he suspected, the top card was Jou's Red Eyes, the edges and back of the card still stained with long dried blood. The officers had found Jou's deck in the bloodied remains of his clothes not too far from where he had been crucified. He closed the case, sobbing as he remembered the looks on their faces when he explained why he got it. "That way, your decks can always be together like you two." 

He started to put the case away when he caught himself staring down at the intertwined Blue Eyes and Red Eyes on the lid. Impulsively, he stashed the case in the false bottom of the case where Seto generally put top-secret documents when he had to travel. Quickly, he finished packing everything and carried the suitcase to the stairway before running back to get Seto some clothes. He picked a pair of black jeans and a black T-shirt since he knew that Seto rarely wore anything but black anymore. He deliberately didn't grab one of Seto's trench coats because he didn't think his big brother could handle the recognition right now. Instead, he grabbed a shorter winter coat that Seto had received as a gift from a business associate some years ago. The woman had been almost like a friend to the much younger CEO. She had never tried to take advantage of him and had expressed delight many times when they had spoken at business dinner. Mokuba's lips curled into a sad smile as he remembered the impressive spread with a wide variety of flowers she had sent for Jou's funeral. 

In his bathroom, Mokuba found Seto sitting on the toilet lid, a towel hanging limply from his hand. "Here." He held out the clothes. "Get dressed. I'll pack for me then I'll call the driver." 

Seto sighed and nodded, mechanically pulling the clothes on. 

Mokuba packed his own suitcase faster than he had Seto's because he wouldn't be as picky with what he would wear. He almost forgot to pack Seto's old laptop and seriously considered leaving it behind, but knew he'd regret it if there was an emergency and he couldn't help. Ever since Jou's death, running Kaiba Corp. had fallen to the younger brother who did his best to keep up with the company and school while keeping his brother alive. 

Half an hour later, the brothers were on their way to the airport. Mokuba called ahead, making sure that everything was ready. After confirming that the jet was ready, Mokuba kept one eye on his brother while he informed the airport of their flight plan. Noting Seto's lack of reaction, the younger boy realized that Seto wasn't paying attention to anything around him again. Mokuba sighed as he closed the phone and tucked it into his pocket and prayed he hadn't made a mistake. He just hoped that Seto could forgive him someday for dragging him to a mountain cabin a few miles from the nearest town. He hoped that the distance would show Seto that he trusted him, and hoped the small cabin would force his older brother to interact with him. Studying his brother with a sad look in his eyes, Mokuba hoped that this drastic change would help Seto to lay his demons to rest before they destroyed his soul. 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Letting Go 2/2   
Author: Kris Ice   
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or anything related to that anime.   
Warnings: mentions of violent death and attempted suicides   
Pairings: mentions of SetoxJou, brotherly Seto + Mokuba   
Type: yaoi, angst   
Rating: PG-13   
OC's: none   
Summary: Jou's been dead a year and Seto's heart seems to have died with him, but Mokuba's determined to get his brother back.   
Betas: Katbcoll 

Three days. Three days and he still won't talk to me. Mokuba was at his wits end. It had gotten so bad that he was tempted to throw himself off a cliff. After arriving at the cabin, Seto had walked in and sat down on the couch, not bothering to bring anything in with him or pick a room. The brunette had only slept when exhaustion took over and only ate after Mokuba threatened to sit on him and force-feed him. Even then, Mokuba found himself watching to be sure that Seto wasn't throwing it back up. Each night, the black-haired boy had to shove his older brother toward the bathroom and insist he take a shower. Mokuba had also found that if he didn't have clothes sitting out for him, Seto didn't bother getting dressed. The younger Kaiba whimpered, his head lying on his arms. His brother was falling apart before his eyes and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Unable to stand the silence anymore, Mokuba jumped to his feet and grabbed his coat off the hook by the door. "I'm going for a walk." He didn't bother waiting for a response, knowing he wouldn't get one. 

Seto silently watched his little brother storm out the door before returning to staring into the fireplace. The fire had gone out by time Seto realized it was dark outside and Mokuba hadn't returned. A thread of worry broke through the numb cold that had enveloped his heart after Jou died. He stood, wincing when his knees popped. He made his way over to the window, but saw no sign of the dark-haired boy in the glowing snow. After a quick trip to the bathroom, Seto stood holding his coat, part of him simply wanting to turn away, to go back to the soothing darkness where nothing mattered, but his heart wouldn't let him be. His little brother needed him. 

Mokuba sighed and wrapped his arms tighter around himself as he shivered with cold. He had been so angry he hadn't been paying attention to where he had been going, something he now regretted deeply. This sucks. Some Christmas. Jou's been dead a year. Seto might as well be dead, and I'm stuck out here in a ditch on a snow-covered mountain and am probably freeze to death in a few hours. He shivered again, looking up at the starlit sky. Mokuba bit his lip, resisting the urge to cry, knowing that it would just make him colder. Seto, Jou, I wish one of you guys were here right now. The young boy leaned against an icy tree, whimpering softly as the tears he couldn't fight anymore started slipping down his face. He was sure he was imagining it, but he felt warm arms wrap around him and pull him to a solid chest while a beloved lost voice sang to him. 

Seto stumbled again and cursed as he pulled himself to his feet. He hadn't realized just how weak he had gotten until now. He could barely keep going. The next time he tripped, he didn't bother trying to climb to his feet. What does it matter? I wasn't there for Jou, and I'm probably too late for Mokuba. His chest heaved with a sob as he lay face down in the snow, ready to give up and die. 

"Get up!" 

Seto flinched, blinking in shock at the voice he never thought he'd hear again. He slowly sat up and his breath caught in his throat. Jou stood above him, wearing the same blue jeans and T-shirt he had been wearing when he had died. The former CEO whimpered, shaking his head in denial. 

Jou growled. "Get up, damn it! I thought you were Seto Kaiba! You swore you would never back down from a fight!" 

"There's no reason to fight," he whispered, his eyes closed and head lowered to his chest. "It's all over. I failed." 

Jou snarled and grabbed the front of Seto's coat, yanking him to his feet. "Listen to me, damn it! What happened to me isn't your fault, but if you don't get your ass together, there's gonna be another death on your conscious." 

Seto reached out to touch Jou's face with a shaking hand. "It is my fault, she..." 

The blond growled. "It's not your fault she was a psychotic bitch." He shook his stubborn lover, wishing he could pound some sense into his head. "Get a grip. You cannot let this drag you down. Mokuba needs you, and you're going to need all of that genius of yours to get him out of the trouble he's in." 

Seto swallowed, closing his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Jou. The one in his arms felt solid, but so very cold. 

"Hey," Jou's voice softened and he brushed Seto's snow-laden hair from his eyes. "I love you, Seto, and I'll always love you, but I told you to be happy and I meant it. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life pining after me." 

"I don't want to go on without you," Seto whispered, tears sliding down his cheeks. 

The shorter young man sighed, looking up at the sky. "You have to, Seto. It's not your time yet. I'll still be here when it's time for you." He smiled when Seto looked up. "Right now, I'm here to stop you from making a terrible mistake. Mokuba's out there, cold and alone. He doesn't have much time left, lover. You've got to help him." 

Seto held onto Jou a while longer, not wanting to let go. "You swear you'll be there for me?" 

Jou smiled and brushed a hand down Seto's cheek, "I'll always watch over you, but right now, your little brother needs you. Go on." 

Seto's eyes closed as cold lips brushed over his own and then his arms where empty. He shuddered as he opened his eyes and saw that there weren't even footprints where Jou had been standing. Before he could lose himself in despair again, Seto heard a soft whisper of his lover's voice on the wind. "Hurry up; I can't keep him here for much longer." 

The elder Kaiba took a deep breath and let it out. As he closed his eyes, the still cold around him made him feel like he was the only one still alive. He took another deep breath and forced himself to face the pain that he had been avoiding for a year. His lover was dead and was never going to be able to come back. A line from a poem came to him on that dark mountain and he bowed his head as he acknowledged the truth of it. "There's nothing left to do for the dead/The only ones a savior to save are the living..." 

Seto let the doubts and fears slip away. The pain was still there and he knew it always would be, but he wouldn't let it dominate him anymore. When he opened his eyes again, a fire burned in them that had been gone for far too long. Hold on, Mokuba, I'm coming. 

Mokuba knew he was in trouble. He had stopped shivering a few minutes ago and he couldn't feel his hands or his feet anymore. It was getting harder and harder to breath. Seto... He tried curling into a tighter ball, but found he couldn't move. The dark-haired boy couldn't cry anymore. He felt like his eyes had been frozen shut. Please, nii-sama... 

Seto slid down an incline, pausing now and then to try and hear something that would lead him to his little brother. He didn't hear anything, but some instinct drove him on. Soon, he found a spot that was badly disturbed. He approached the area carefully and felt his heart drop when he saw a black hole. "Mokuba!" There was no answer to his call. 

The elder Kaiba dropped to his hands and knees and crawled over to the hole, looking down. He couldn't see anything, but he knew that his little brother was down there. "Hold on, Mokuba," he called, trying to find a way down. He cursed, studying the area. He couldn't get too close to the edge, if he did; he'd fall down and possibly land on Mokuba or end up not being able to get out himself. Either way, it wasn't an option. 

"Calm down," Seto ordered himself sternly, forcing himself to take several slow deep breaths to calm his racing pulse. When he felt calmer, he started looking around for anything that would be of use. He knew that Mokuba had to be unconscious since he hadn't responded. He would have to go down after him. There was a tree nearby, but it was too far for any of its drooping branches to be of any use. He didn't dare leave. It might be impossible to find the place again. Seto growled, reaching a hand up to grip his coat just over his locket. The brunette blinked and looked down. His hand had wrapped around a wool scarf. He didn't remember putting one on before heading out. Seto shook his head. His mind really had turned to mush. His eyes snapped from the scarf to the tree. 

Moments later, the young man was sure that he'd taken leave of his senses. He'd tied the scarf around the branch closest to the hole and was now trying to repel down into the hole. Seto knew that he would most likely run out of scarf before he reached the bottom. Just as he was starting to get to the end of the scarf, his foot touched a solid surface. Surprised, Seto tested the area before putting his weight on it. After his eyes adjusted, he saw that the hole was shallower than he thought. As he raised his eyes from the floor, his heart leapt into his throat. A small body lay huddled on the other side of the hole. "Mokuba!" 

Seconds later, he was on his knees rolling the small body to the side. His hands trembled when he touched the cold throat. Seto breathed a soft prayer as he felt a faint pulse. "Come on, Mokuba. Let's get you out of here." 

He wasn't sure how he managed to get Mokuba to the cabin, but soon he found himself stripping the icy body of his little brother. First aid facts that he had thought were long forgotten were coming back in startling detail. "Come on, come on..." he whispered, rubbing Mokuba's arms and legs with a warm towel. When he saw that Mokuba wasn't warming up fast enough, Seto cursed. He pulled out the hide-a-bed and pulled down the covers. He laid Mokuba in the center of the bed and stripped off his own clothes. He climbed into the bed and pulled the covers up before wrapping his arms and legs around Mokuba's unmoving body. Seto shuddered, shoving aside the sensation that he was embracing a corpse. "Don't leave me," he whispered, pressing his face into the crook of Mokuba's neck. "Please don't leave me alone." 

Seto slowly drifted toward the waking world. The feel of a warm body against him made him reluctant to wake. He was afraid if he did, he would find himself alone again. He felt himself drifting again, but the feel of a small hand running through his hair brought back the memories of the night before. The tall young man jerked his head up with a gasp. 

Mokuba smiled at the stunned look on his big brother's face. "Merry Christmas, nii-sama." 

Seto sobbed, pulling Mokuba against him, rocking him as he tried to find the words to express his feelings. The raven-haired boy smiled, wrapping his arms around his brother, whispering reassurances and gratitude. 

Later, Seto was sitting by the fireplace, watching Mokuba sleep on the couch when he noticed something odd. Frowning, he got up and walked over to the coat tree standing by the door. Hanging beside his black coat was the matching scarf, a scarf that he could have sworn he had left tied to a tree branch. "Seto, what's wrong?" 

The elder Kaiba looked over to find Mokuba sitting up, rubbing his eyes. "Nothing, I'm just going to check something out." 

Mokuba was off the couch in an instant. "Let me go with you." 

The brunette started to protest, but recognized the stubborn look in his brother's eyes. "Alright. Make sure you bundle up good, I don't want to unthaw you again." Mokuba laughed, but could see that under the joking how serious Seto was. 

The walk out to the hole where Mokuba had fallen was silent, each lost in their own thoughts. When Seto stopped suddenly, Mokuba ran into him but before he could voice his complaints, he saw what caused his brother to freeze. A dark brown scarf with frayed ends danced in the wind from where it was tied to an old tree. Seto swallowed and looked down at Mokuba, who nodded back. The raven-haired boy slipped his hand into his brother's before looking back at the flapping banner. "Merry Christmas, Joey," Mokuba whispered. "Thank you." 

Seto swallowed again, tears in his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for teaching me how to live." He closed his eyes, remembering the first time he had whispered those words a little less than a year ago on the day they laid his lover in the ground. 

After arriving back at the cabin, Seto held the brown scarf to him as he sat staring into the flames, his mind on the past and on the future. 

"Um... Seto?" 

The taller young man looked up at Mokuba, who stood with his hands behind him, a nervous look on his face. "Yes, ototo?" 

Mokuba smiled in delight. Seto hadn't called him little brother in a very long time. "I didn't have time to get you anything, but... I found this." 

Seto frowned at the wrapped present Mokuba held out to him. "Mokuba, I..." 

The younger Kaiba shook his head and placed the box in Seto's hands. He watched as Seto unwrapped the gift and spoke as sapphire eyes widened in surprise. He hoped that his big brother understood the gift again. 

Seto's hand shook as he brushed his fingers over the Duel Monster Cards case that Mokuba had given him and Joey last Christmas. He swallowed as he opened the case and saw a pair of decks side by side just like they had been the last time he had opened the case to put Joey's deck back in it. Tears slid down his face as he stared at the blood stains on one of the decks. A small hand reached out and covered his, causing him to look up at his little brother. 

"He's still with you. He will always be with you in your heart." 

Seto reached out and brushed a hand down Mokuba's cheek before pulling him close and kissing his forehead. As he held his little brother tight, he swore that the Red Eyes on the cover of the case winked at him. 


End file.
